A Practical Guide to Giving (and Receiving) Wine

There is a topic that has been on my mind for quite some time now, and I thought I would bring it up to try to get some feedback from the crowd. What should a host/hostess do when a guest brings a bottle of wine? Serve it that evening, store it for a later time, or maybe even re-gift it? I’ve done a bit of research on the topic, and there is of course a clear answer from the “experts”. According to Judith Martin (Miss Manners) and Emily Post (from Emily Post’s Guide on Etiquette)...

“A host is not required to use the wine that a guest brings that evening.”

So, there’s your answer.

Personally, I don’t think it’s that simple. If it were, I’d be bringing Chucky Shaw to every gathering I go to, and cross my fingers that it’s not opened. But it’s not that simple, and I don’t drink Charles Shaw (unless I’m at my parents’ home and need it to get through the night – just kidding, Mom & Dad!). This topic got a lot of interest on other such threads, so if you’re interested in other opinions, check out these stories from chowhound.com and answers.yahoo.com.

Here’s the rub…I love to experience new wines, and often times more than many of my friends do. So, I’ll head to my local wine shop and get a mixed case, usually with a special bottle or two. I’ll get excited about one of those bottles and then bring it over to a friend’s house for dinner hoping (and sometimes expecting) that it will be opened that evening. I always present the wine to the host/hostess, so it is certainly given as a gift. However, in those situations, I usually describe it and try to hint that we should “experience” it together. Some friends get the hint…others don’t. And when they don’t, I leave pissed…especially when they open unimaginative wines that we’ve had a million times before. I really shouldn’t be upset…I was a guest at someone’s home and probably had a wonderful meal that they worked hard to put together. Except I’m me, and I leave pissed. On some occasions, though, the host won’t open my gift wine, but will open even more interesting wines instead. I feel good about these situations since I got to enjoy other special wines and I left a “real gift” in return.

And then there’s the flip side of the equation…when guests bring wine to your dinner or gathering. I don’t want to offend my guest by not opening his/her wine, but I also don’t want to serve my guests swill. The way I handle it is to always ask about the wine to gauge the situation. The answer will usually provide you with the right course of action. Gracious guests will usually say that they don’t mind either way. If I know it’s a “good” and/or expensive bottle, I always try to serve it (and usually decant it immediately to let the guest know how I appreciative I am), unless I am told otherwise. One of our best friends consistently brings over amazing wine (or multiple bottles of “get drunk” wine…which certainly also has its place)…sometimes he’ll bring a bottle that needs to be aged for a couple of years, and he’ll tell me so up front. In these cases, I try my best to keep track of the bottle and then open it up with the guest that originally brought it. The “swill” situation is usually solved easily as well…open the bottle very late into the evening. Nobody cares about wine quality at that point, and the guest is usually thrilled that you opened his/her bottle, regardless of the time of evening. Even though wine is given as a gift, it is my opinion that if a guest put thought and/or significant money into buying it, that it should be served that evening, almost regardless of the food that is being served (you can almost always find a dish or time of the night that might "pair" well with a particular wine). In the most rare situation that it is not practical or even possible to open a particular bottle in an evening (due to the high number of bottles brought by guests, etc.), I try my best to thank the guest and make them know that it is truly appreciated even if not opened.

Back to the giving scenario…I’ve got 4 easy rules to remember, and hopefully you’ll minimize those “pissed off” evenings. So, here they are:

1. At any dinner gathering or party, always bring one or more bottles of wine (unless told specifically otherwise).
2. Marketing 101: understand your target market. You know most of your friends and can probably figure out if you should bring a “decent” bottle or not. For unknown situations, hedge your bets. I usually bring a favorite bottle of reasonably priced wine that I know and trust (examples: Seghesio Sonoma County Zinfandel - $18, Honig Sauvignon Blanc - $14, or a less than $20 bottle of foreign wine such as the Juan Gil Monastrell - $16 and a beautiful label). If it is not enjoyed that night, there is absolutely no loss to you, and when the wine is opened at a later time by the host, they will be sure to enjoy it.
3. On the chance that you bring a bottle into an unknown situation and you went out of your way to bring a wine to be experienced, don’t be shy to tell them so. If they don’t open it that night, pray that they serve something as good or better. If not, leave pissed and bring them a bottle of Charles Shaw the next time around (I’m kidding – next time, see point #2 and bring a decent standby).
4. For special occasions (Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, etc.), splurge and bring a nice bottle. Period. Set your expectations beforehand that the host will not open it, and that it is a true gift for the occasion. If the bottle is opened, great. If not, don’t let it get to you since it is almost certain that the host has gone out of their way to make an extraordinary meal.

The bottom line is that food and wine are expensive these days, and if you attend a dinner party, odds are that the hosts have spent a good amount of time and money to make sure that their guests leave satisfied. Enjoy yourselves regardless if your gift wine is opened or not. In the rare case of situation #3 above, don’t make the same mistake twice. That’s probably the best that you can do.

What do you think?